Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
