she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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