I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My balls are so social today.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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