it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
