She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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