haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
