We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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