I wanna bring you to show and tell
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
