OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
