So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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