I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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