Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
