If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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