I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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