Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
