Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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