If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
