Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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