I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Randomize
