so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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