If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
