she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
All the doctor said was why
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
