I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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