1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
