Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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