You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
