We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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