Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
