shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
