I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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