Betty ford says i'm here all night
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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