oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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