He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
