so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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