Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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