i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
