where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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