I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I love having hate sex.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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