I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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