cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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