I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
