i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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