YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
