i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
