it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
