I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
