i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
