it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
