fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
