I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
