I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just found a bag of teeth...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
