i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
