I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
