I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
