ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
