I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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