He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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