Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can't talk, ducks in the car
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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