Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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