remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
